Back here, writing some more...
One thing that has occurred to me, and not so much bothered me, but still... is that all my life, since having been sexually abused when I was ten...
I always kept quiet about it. I never really thought people would believe it. It was also something I never wanted people to know.
But over the years, it faded away. The memories sort of changed into rationalization of it, but even when I was a child, I suspected that my abuser was "organized". To some degree. I never could figure it out, but he seemed to be placed. I don't know. But it was my suspicion. Still is in truth. There was his connection to the seminary near where I lived... I realized it back when I was kid.
My sister knew of what had happened to me as a child. Yet, when I told her what I was looking for, I now think, she never believed me. These stories of some grand conspiracy at the highest levels. It was all too bizarre. But I told her just before the forensics people told me to keep my mouth shut, and not to talk to anyone as they proceeded with their investigation. And so, I did as asked.
Anyway, as it is, I do hope people realize what is out there. What was out there that got me in 1984, and what is out there even today. To think members of congress visited a suspected child trafficker (if you know the story of Mr. Garcia) tells me, it's still "eyes wide shut" on this issue. And it all makes me very upset to be honest about it. The Democratic Party even used this man as a poster boy politically. Bizarre choice I think.
People who are abused as I was... aren't believed out of the shame of it all; for them and others. As a kid I felt it would be a massive mistake to say anything. Later, this seems to have developed in a vicarious fixation on exposing this issue to others around me... no one ever believed it.
