So, at this point, I think enough has passed to sort of explain more of the psychosis without seeming as if I never recovered, and also, further explain why what happened, without sounding deluded.
I will try to explain this, it's sort of important to what happened, and for a few years now have wanted to.
So here we go...
Now, in all of this I have come to understand, there is a paradigm of thinking. This is just the idea there is a "set of ideas". But these ideas sort of define people's beliefs, but in a subconscious manner, or nearly so. These ideas in a sense, and I really believe this now, run the operating system culture runs off.
I don't even really want to even use examples of what this might mean. Could be the ideas behind what it is to be, I don't know, a certain religion, or something as simple as what is means to be on a sports team and following the "culture of the team,"
So, from this paradigm, comes the narratives that tell the stories, and then the mantras people tell themselves as they carry on with their day. It's not really complicated.
But with me. Over time while on the high levels of Androgel, the paradigm of myself changed. Truly speaking, the way of I thought of myself radically changed. It's very odd. And then while on prednisone for a year, and at 50 mg at the end... the paradigm fell apart. That's what psychosis is in a way I suppose.
And this was also a psychological existential threat for me. Myself versus myself. Something like that.
Even today, and this is odd, I very much remember what I was thinking while psychotic, and also, the memories of believing in what I was thinking. It's weird to have memories that are in effect false. Regardless, the narrative that came to envelope my mind was very odd.
It is as if things flipped upside down in my mind. Black became white. The sun became the moon. It was all symbolic and metaphorical, and that is why I have come to think of the idea of a paradigm. It is like the rules of my mind changed somehow. It might sound ridiculous, but all I mean here is that the most bizarre ideas, had become the most sensible.
Small ideas, like speed bumps on the roadways near where I lived. At the time I came to think they were an imposition to the degree I would speed up and drive over them. Sure, the underside of my car was ruined, but that didn't matter. Buying motorcycle, never having rode one, then without a license in mid-winter, riding in on the highways... without a helmet! Obviously completely insane, but at the time, it seemed what was needed. I still remember literally being frozen riding the bike while it was -10 degrees! I also remember the cold making me feel very much "alive". These are the types of false memories I am referring to.
What got me into a world of trouble was this. I think I can explain it now in context. When I was a kid, I was sexually abused, and without the details, I came to think the abuser lived in a Catholic seminary. To be clear, this was false, he did not. But as a kid, I had seen him walk through the grounds of the seminary; while psychotic 40 years later, it became clear to me he lived there.
Stories of Pizzagate became more than real. Ideas of abductions sort of became of interest. These stories concluded that world leaders were involved. Yes, deluded, but there were elements of reality to them. I will explain one of them in detail, this being the biggest reason I began my psychotic investigations online.
I used to visit Mexico on occasion. Now people can figure this out further if they wish, but in fact there was a cult leader who was arrested in the city I travelled to. This happened in 2018 and really got me thinking if the Pizzagate ideas. The key element in my delusions was a false connection made from one of the leaders of this cult Clare Bronfman - Wikipedia and her family, to the election of Justin Trudeau. Paradise Papers: Tax revelations hit Canada PM Justin Trudeau's fundraiser
This is just the machinations of politics, in getting Justin Trudeau elected that is, but at the time of psychosis and delusion, I made the insane "leap of thought", coming to believe the cult had Justin Trudeau elected.
From there, it became obvious to me that Biden, Trump, the Royals in England were all part of it. What makes it bizarre to me now is the Epstein connections; I had told many people in the town where I lived at the time of him, and some sort of connection to Prince Andrew, and it turns out I was correct. Some of my delusions were in fact correct? As of the date of this post, even the police are wondering. New Andrew Bombshell, Investigations Into Sexual Misconduct And Corruption Allegations | 10 News
Why is this important? Simply because to explain what happened, why I even began to investigate abductions etc., it's key to realize that my deluded thinking came from somewhere in reality. Wild extrapolations on reality to be sure. From a seminary 40 years ago, to a cult member arrested in Mexico, the elections of Trudeau and Trump... and eventually to some sort of murky discovery of a Hunter Biden laptop. Today, I am not even sure if that final discovery was nothing more than a smear campaign, yet, there was an actual laptop with some rather weird stuff on it. Who knows.
As I said, I have the memories of fully believing in fictions. Seems today, truth is indeed stranger.
