I am not quite sure why this blog remains helpful. I am not all that sure who is reading it, if it's helpful, or truly what the point is lol. But it helps in a way.
Been a few years since this bizarre left turn took hold of me. I always knew it would be known as to what happened, but the medical issues did totally blindside me. And as the news on what I was after continues to develop... well yes, I hear about it...
So much was altered. It's still rather mind boggling. But if fault is to be given, no real authority ever decided I was at fault. Or that I witnessed what I was suspected of... medical malpractice was proven... and all of this was not of my opinion either, rather, they are legal ones. In the end, the only person found to be at fault in anyway, was the doctor treating me at that time.
But as I have moved into a very different life now, one of travel, a lot of contemplation I suppose... having been completely humbled and dismantled, I never gave up. That's something I can look back at one day perhaps. Maybe it will help? I think so.
For a very long time, dreams of life had basically been stripped from me... an extremely painful process as Jung once wrote. And I can say that I have reconstituted now. The dreams are re-emerging... a different constellation yes, but as anyone who has been pulled apart knows, without one's dreams in life, the feeling of being completely lost is real. But I never turned to some combination of vices or such... I just got down to the work of a very long legal process, and then, more of my own legal process to prove as much as I could. The oddest thing about all of this is that once out of the "care" of the medical professionals, I have become myself once more.
For years, hoodwinked, I had in fact been warped into a very odd person. And now... it's me again, and it literally makes me cry. Not badly as it once did, but while rationally speaking, turning back into yourself might make no sense whatever... but my case is not a rational one, it truly is about some sort of deep betrayal on my life that I still do not yet understand. I know the details, but not the motives.
In time, as it had occurred to others first, these motives perhaps need time still to distill in me, but I rather expect it all to come to nothing. I might never know. But it all takes time, and since the last 5 years have been a rather frantic time, only now has any sense of calm come over me. And thank God for that.
People have contacted me via this blog... with questions and such. I don't often answer. But it doesn't mean I don't have many of the same questions myself.
- Carl Jung
