So, one of the big reasons for this blog, was to help people in psychosis, or like me, working to figure out things afterwards. When I was recovering etc... internet posts, and personal accounts were VERY hopeful and helpful for me. I always found the medical experts helpful too, but not in the same way.
So about 2 years on since the major symptoms have faded (yes medical experts will tell you that it takes about 2 years to recover from symptoms and five years to full recovery) I would like to inform whomever out there who needs this information.
In my case, unfortunately I received very little help to recover in the first couple years. People can read about those bizarre details if they like. But, after a couple of years under medical care, I did indeed recover. It wasn't easy, mainly because psychosis is basically an unseen brain injury.
In my case, the clinical diagnosis was that of schizotypal/bipolar disorder, caused by a substance inducement. It cannot be understated, the degree my mind had been altered was extreme. I am still shocked, embarrassed, and I really can't say what else... but it's the truth. By medical prescription, I had been driven out of my mind.
It is really VERY strange to think I had become schizotypal, but thinking back, it's likely the case. I had become immersed, really... in magical thoughts. I thought the zodiac was talking to me at one point. And was well, as much as people these days "care" about mental health, I have remembrances of people just trying to avoid me... at my workplace, for an example, near the end I had left the main building to be alone, and isolate myself... I was in such bad mental shape... but few cared lol. And those who did were confronted by a very argumentative person in myself at that time. And no one could have seen what bizarreness was to come, so best to move on from blame. In reality, mental illness scares people, and perhaps for good reason. In any case... I have recovered. Thank God... literally.
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I did receive advice from the arena of the court to take action, as this inducement was done under prescription...
And... given the legal cost, which were extraordinarily high, self-represented, I was able to prove that these prescriptions also nearly killed me by way of a deadly blood disorder called polycythemia.
It was difficult. Not due to the "facts" necessarily, but because I needed testimony from legal experts, many from American medical universities I made contact with, the legal fees for expert witnesses were in the order of tens of thousands of dollars. So, I did as best I could with semi-self-representation in the legal arena. I paid for some expert opinion, but legal tribunals are expensive, and I didn't have the money to continue. But general speaking, I uncovered what I set out to.
The reason I re-mention this, is because recovery for me was connected at the hip with a total vindication AND full explanation of ALL events; no matter what these events were. I can say, they would have been NO chance at a mental recovery for me otherwise. I really cannot understate this.
But now, as all legal aspects have ended, I would like to share with some hope for others, what recovery might entail...
The Sympathetic Nervous System
This is the hardest part of recovery for me. This nervous system, as I understand it, operates from the subconscious level, and it is very difficult to "control". In my case, as it was all drug induced, the medication changed my basic personality over the years, and now, it seems I was left with a fractured mind. Clinical diagnosis supports this statement. Evidence of this for me was found not in the waking hours, but these days, while asleep. And if anyone is suffering as such, I would like to say this might just be par for the course. It seems that while asleep, my subconscious mind is trying to recalibrate itself; trying to shed the old drug induced personality and allow the natural one to recover. If anyone knows more of this, please contact me.
But also, I have read that under such drug inducement, one's amygdala is set to "high alert", and the sympathetic nervous system is running too hot. Within the duration of sleep, I find this to be VERY apparent as I still often wake with a rapid heart rate and panic, basically due to the nature of the dream state. It is all very odd. I also don't want to overstate this idea as I am not a medical professional.
And while the solution of medications by doctors and such helped early, you will hopefully get to the stage where you can cope on your own. Mindfulness exercises such as breathing and music has helped to most. And things are slowly getting better for me. Medications used to treat psychosis, while effective, are not good for the body. In my mind, they are not a long-term solution, and this included anti-depressants. Today, I can say that I am also free of any medications.
Yet, sadly is the case, in my experience the idea you might not ever be the "same" might be a reality. You will likely have to resign yourself to living a paired down life, where you simply must reduce vectors of stress, because the chance of spiraling is real enough. And I for one, know this to be true.
Psychosis is a real thing in terms of actual physical injury to one's brain. But you can recover, slowly as the brain is part of the nervous system which, as you can read about, takes much longer to heal then other areas of the human body.
Work
I think also, one of the big concerns I had was work. How would I one day be capable of it? Luckily, I was able recover under medical care, and this helped get me back to a condition where it became possible. But I generally would say that part-time work comes first and see how that goes. You will indeed get better in time, but it might take longer than you (or perhaps more importantly, others) expect. I think if you generally remember that many people find their working life stressful, you can then judge what you are reasonable going to be able to do, without misleading yourself. Misleading yourself into a situation which is too much and spirals you into a worsening situation. The idea is to get better, and in my own case rather tough decisions and preparation for a new work life took time and planning. But it will be important to make the transition back into being a self-sustained individual, but it might not be so easy as psychosis has likely left you feeling rather useless.
These are my thoughts based on my own experience. Stay positive. In time the fog clears.
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